April Fool's Day! by Col. Stoopnagle

            The first of April every year is called April Fools or All Fools Day, which graciously includes both tricksters and trick-ees.  The best thing to do, if you don’t aspire to be a practical joker, is to disappear into thin air.  (If no thin air is available, use fat air.)  There are several good ways of not being available, among which are:

            1.  Paint yourself with invisible paint and go sit in the basement of a deserted lighthouse.

            2.  Drop into a nearby manhole and gurgle like running water until April 2nd.

            However, if you are a trickster and like to play pranks on your friends, here are some simple, new ways of getting people to hate you:

            1.  Fill your friend’s cigarette lighter with water.

            2.  Squirt DDT solution into his guppie bowl.

            3.  Solder his mailbox shut.

            4.  Write a passionate love-letter (if your friend is married) to a non-existent person and                   put your friend’s return address on the envelope. 

(From “Colonel Stoopnagle’s Scrapbook,” Pictorial Review, March 10, 1946)


Page created November 14, 2006.  Copyright 1998-2006 by Richard D. Squires.